annie

Drabble: Gossip Girl.

Tue, 24 Jun 2008 22:04:02 GMT

Gossip Girl. TV-Verse. Blair/Chuck. PG-13. for waldorfish .

Is This What They Call Love on a Saturday Night?

There he was, smoking his Marlboro and sipping his cocktail, occasionally glancing with shameless gluttony at the curvy waitress, in a porpusefully slow pace. Then he spotted her.

She was wearing a backless dress, which made her moves seem as delicate as the art of rolling up a joint. It was maybe just a tad too long – but then again it was just the perfect dress… when it came to undressing it. The summer sun had tanned her in a delicious shade of cinnamoon and her hair had become slightly lighter. She looked like na exotic beauty – she would definitely pass as an innocent Amazonia native. Were it not for that distinctive malice and playful, arrogant naughtyness, which attracted men just like magnets attract iron.

And it sure did – she was not alone. As usual. He smirked. There were five of them today – the number seemed to keep increasing at an alarming rhythm. She managed to divide her attention equally to all of them, directing smiles that were not as shy as it might look. They moved around her like bees – bees around their Queen B.

He imagined her, having threesomes, orgies… No, he didn’t imagine it. He knew for a fact that she had indeed been having all that… and probably more. Who would have thought – little obstinate, strict, pure virgin Blair Waldorf living the most unimaginable sex fantasies with the widest variety of guys? He sure had taught her more than well; he sure brought out the best of her.

Yet a part of him was certain it couldn’t be that much fun. These guys didn’t know her, or how she worked; they could have no clue that she was incredibly sensitive to anything involving her belly button or that she would always reach a point of utmost ecstasy when he kissed her feet slowly.

She got up and as she passed by him, closely followed by her five new puppies, he reached out so that he discretely touched her thighs.

She looked back and gave him a smirk that totally said “See you in my suite tomorrow, Bass.”

Insisto em não esquecer(-te).

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 20:10:16 GMT

Insisto em não esquecer o teu sorriso enorme, espelho da minha própria felicidade, e os teus olhos claros, esculpidos com o mesmo desejo que me movia até ti. Trocámos um 'Olá', tímido, envergonhado; a muitos pareceria arrependimento precoce. No entanto, em essência era apenas uma declarada cumplicidade de pecadores, um nervosismo miudinho de quem está consciente do futuro próximo e das consequências deste. (Sabíamos.)

Foram segundos de tempo congelado, curtos e mudos, que tão cedo deram lugar ao mais apaixonado cenário. Não ousámos demonstrar desde logo o quanto ansiávmos estar assim, íntimos - começaste por tocar-me, rápido e fugaz, como testando as águas, enviando um arrepio ternurento pelo meu corpo. Repeti o teu gesto. Permitimo-nos esses testes (tínhamos tempo), sentindo centímetro a centímetro, com medo, respirando pesadamente, sempre tentando assegurar-nos da realidade do momento.

E logo, no que pareceu um pestanejar de asas, os toques fugidios perderam a velocidade de auto-estrada, ganharam a ternura de um barco pequeno atravessando um rio, explorando tudo que se situava entre as margens. Ganhámos consistência, misturámos os nossos perfumes etéreos. Parecia mais certo do que errado.

Demorámo-nos, alongámos as linhas curvas da mais bela arte abstracta, e a cor não nos fugia aos olhos. Nada havia para além da tua pele, tão macia nas minhas mãos (embora mais tarde lhes descubrisse a aspereza). Provava-te, alimentava o torpe formigueiro que me atacava de dentro, comendo o meu coração com aquele fogo que incendiavas em mim. E aquela agitação sabia-me a moleza, confortável, quente, minha; deixe-me cair na intensidade do nosso pecado ternurento e bestial, puxei-te para mais perto de mim (temia que não estivesses mesmo ali, temia que não sentisses também.).

Ganhaste tom de animal, impulsivo, instinctivo, sensualmente doce como uma fera que persegue a presa. (Profundo. Belo.)

As tuas carícias percorriam-me por inteiro, afagavam-me esta alma que sempre achara indomável. Sempre sem escusadas demoras. (Tínhamos tempo.) E no nosso pequeno segredo, de imunda perfeição, com um sabor salgado tão doce como o mar, de dois mundos sem pontes, era o pecado que nos unia e desinibia. (O mais forte elo entre nós.) O proíbido tornava-se obtido. Apaixonávamo-nos ali, por entre cobertores de uma doçura sôfrega e gananciosa.

Tínhamos tempo, tinhamos uma vida, mas era como se o tempo descontasse os segundos para o nosso fim. Como se soubéssemos não haver outra oportunidade para libertarmos este nosso amor desenfreado, acorrentados a outras prisões.

Éramos inconscientes: não adivinhávamos o futuro? Inconsequentes, irresponsáveis, na altura o pensamento não morava ali (éramos movidos por outro combustível). É que hoje és um sonho, inalcançável esfinge e preciso-te mais do que nesse passado. E melancolicamente embebida em nostalgia, insisto em não esquecer(-te).

The Age of Understatement.

Thu, 22 May 2008 18:17:31 GMT

Maybe I should let the dust settle, let things calm down, cool off. Let the burns heal, let the wounds become scars that shall never disappear.
Wait. It has sunk in already. The ship's stopped. I'm as aimless as ever, the biggest wanderer the Earth has ever come to know. No destiny for me, no big heartbeats. My heart is comfortable, never leaving its place.
Too comfortable. It's getting too hot, too itchy.
Where's the buzz (the real buzz) in the ears? Or the cold shiver dancing in my neck, the bright colors hipnotizing my eyes, the taste of freedom forever melting in my tongue? When you're used to living fast like a highway, you stop liking second-way routes.
~~(Yet, I know I should stop. They deem me rebel, but a rebel I am not.)~~

And I miss us. Each step I take towards the end of the race brings me more of our adventures waltzing in front of my eyes. (Secretly, I still hope. And make up magical stories, because deep down I know that hoping is wrong and reality overwhelms me too much for me to live in it.) Am I moving forward or never leaving the same hurtful spot?

I only stick with you because there are no others.

Thu, 08 May 2008 15:04:28 GMT

You are all I need
I'm in the middle of your picture
Lying in the leaves
"All I Need", Radiohead

If anyone should blame me for my actions, I shall tell them it was all because of you. Because I lost myself in a stupid affair that became the big love story of my troubled youth.
Yet you and I know that every single rebelious act is me trying to break away from what the world has made of us; I'm trying to come to terms with myself after what I've done. Every skipped class, every retorted answer, every puff of smoke, every outrageous deed, every kiss or hug, every glass I grasp, every breath I take, every smile I dare steal from my lips has a tiny shred of you in it... but it's all quite an act, really, quite a show, my body speaks without my mind hearing what I mean to say. It seems so right.
I'm not a rebel. I just realise that everything's so natural. I'm not a rebel, I just realised I can have fun and experiment and not waste my days thinking about what I did to you and the beautiful lie we once were.
Really, you're just such a big sucker. Because you do suck it in when you see me, I still affect you for the sake of those fifteen minutes, meaningful looks, knowing smiles and provocative messages. I saw the way you looked. Grow up and be a man, it's almost your turn to be a better judge.
And judges aren't missing here, because everyone likes to mess around with business that isn't their own. My darlings, talk trash on me, but you make me thrilled whenever I hear you speak my endeavours for the truth is at least I am not ignored in my desire to escape from you.

It was a long time ago.

Sat, 15 Mar 2008 15:49:17 GMT

Here's the day you hoped would never come
Don't feed me violins
just run with me through rows of speeding cars.
The papercuts the cheating lovers
The coffee's never strong enough
i know you think it's more than just bad luck

There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
don't loose your head
Cuz none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah

Sleeping pills know sleeping dogs lie
never far enough away
Glistening in the cold sweat of guilt
I've watched you slowly winding down for years
You can't keep on like this...
now's a bad a time as any

There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
don't kill yourself
cuz none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah

it's ok by me..it was along time ago
"Speeding Cars", Imogen Heap

Gravity, no escaping.

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 22:29:45 GMT

~ I'll describe the way I feel, you're my new Achilles heel ~

I hate limited, close-minded people.
I just do. I'm not the most liberal person, but I can't cope with people who live in a bubble.

\ EDIT \ I've just noticed that the previous sentence kinda goes against the title in my previous entry. believe it or not, it's actually different things.

We live in a strange bubble

Wed, 20 Feb 2008 19:27:43 GMT

I have decided that I love quotes. Wait, I have not decided that. I've always known it, actually. They kind of help me get through the day and actually believe in other people - something which, in my opinion, has become really, abnormously hard to do. So I will, every now and then post quotes that somehow inspire me or make me laugh. And I encorage you to comment with your favourite quotes or thoughts on those quotes that I post.

BTW, if you haven't watched Becoming Jane and you're a depressive female heart with an obsessive love for dramas that do not have the happiest of endings, you go watch it. It's amazing. Not on my top 5, but worthy of your time. Especially since it includes Julie Walters and James McAvoy (and Joe Anderson), whom I have come to love.

"I think people have a tendency to believe that something is not beautiful if it's not pretty, and that it is purposely obscure if it takes an effort on your part to understand it, and I just completelt disagree with that." Brian Molko of Placebo

"Les temps sont durs pours les rêveurs." (Times are hard for dreamers.)
"Sans toi les émotions d'aujourd'hui ne seraient que la peau morte des émotions d'autrefois." (Without you, the feelings of today are not more but the dead hull of the feelings of the past. )
from Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amélie Poulain (= Amélie)

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one." Albert Einstein

"Sometimes affection is a shy flower that takes time to blossom."
from Becoming Jane

"And no matter how good you try to be, you can't keep a bad girl down."
from Gossip Girl

"Sweetheart, you can't buy the necessities of life with cookies."
from Edward Scissorhands

by Jackson Pollock

I could tear you apart, but it won't break.

Sat, 16 Feb 2008 13:19:47 GMT

I think I might get addicted to OneRepublic. I always thought I wouldn't, because they seemed too commercial, the kind of band that would become annoyingly famous with just one hit, but their songs are just too sweet to not like them.

I wanted to talk about my love story. Wait, it's not really a love story, and that's all I've been talking about for the past week and a half. It's even irritating having to tell the whole deal over and over again, because I always get the same answers and there seems to be no solution to my problem. The thing is, not many people have had it the way I did.

My anger has been pilling up. All I think of is of throwing my hands around someone's neck and ... argh! You know when you have those sudden mood swings? As in, one day you're so freaking worried about that guy who made your life miserable, and next thing you know, you just hate him, and feel like telling him that he's the kind of dirty that's unworthy of your shoes? I feel that.

And the other one's in town. And school and parents are killing me. Great.

Shine the headlight, straight into my eye.

Sun, 10 Feb 2008 15:16:02 GMT

Name: Ana. (but you can call me Alice xD)
Age: 16
Location: ~~Somewhere over the rainbow~~ Portugal ...
What are you studying/Where do you work: The thing is, I try, as hard as I can, not to study. Mainly because I regret studying in this area.
What makes you happy: Chilling out with my friends.
What are you listening to now/have listened to last: Yeah Yeah Yeahs and the Across the Universe soundtrack
What is particularly good/bad about my LJ: Hm, I think there's something wrong with your links list x) I mean, LJs are about posts and yours are just nice to read (even if I don't always comment, sorry).
An interesting fact about you: Some people mistake me for a well-behaved person, but I always end up surprising everyone...
Are you in love/have a crush at the moment: Hm, I've just realised I love someone who doesn't deserve it. And apart from all the shit he's done to me I just worry so much about him.
Favourite place to be: Japan, even if I've never been there. No seriously, I like going to the beach during the winter. It helps me breathe.
Favourite lyric: Haemoglobin is the key. (?)
Best time of the year: Late Summer, early Autumn :)
Weirdest food you like: Ervilhas com ovos escalfados.

Recommend me a film: Just one? Across the Universe. And maybe Atonement.
Recommend me a book: Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen.
Recommend me a song: Afff... "Come Flash All Your Ladies", The Filthy Youth
Recommend me a band: Placebo!
Recommend me a website: www.bored.com has pretty cool stuff.

One thing you like about (velvety_dagger): I love your comments. You always have something nice to say.
Two things you like about yourself: My new hairstyle and my blue nailpolish. I'm sorry about being superficial, but that's all my self-esteem can think of.

Tell me what you think about me :P
Thanks velvety_dagger

count me down.

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 21:08:05 GMT

no fame
all there is
all there was
on the second lady
can't take a cent
take a cut of that
kind of ran
I'll stand kind of bent
kind of pushed
on that heavy land
I'll stand for the sake of my friends
well, I will see him there
"Down Boy", Yeah Yeah Yeahs
It's getting harder and harder. I can't keep on hearing people say that time will cure this. It won't; not fully, not anywhere near fully. There will always be a spot, a wide, extra-large spot where I'll have hurt two people and taken away their happiness. And I can't help feeling bad about it.

Don't tell me I did what was right. Things are only right depending on the reasons you have for doing them. And I can tell you that the main reason that lead me to tell her was not nobility of character or remorse. I'm actually torn between thing that that's just a small detail compared to how much I wanted revenge for what he did to me, how challenged I felt and how sober I wasn't.

Don't tell me it's not my business anymore. I'm part of the mess as well. And don't even fall into thinking it was a feelingless thing; I have such deep feelings that I'm only truly finding them out now. And I feel so broken, so hurt. So betrayed. It broke my heart to know that all he said was invalidated by what he did, it breaks my heart to remember all the intimacy, it breaks my heart to see him and to hear that he's so lonely.

I want to talk to him, but I've lost my guts. I want to go up to him, and tell him I never wanted to hurt him, that the only reason I could regret what I did is his suffering, that I'll do whatever I can to see him smile again, that I've been more worried about him in the past days than I've ever worried about anyone.

My soul feels so broken, my spirits are so completely torn.

Yet, there's a tiny flicker of hope that this will be alright, that he'll take me back as a friend and that I'll find a way to pay for all the damage I've done.

And between the lines of fear and blame, you begin to wonder why you came.

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 16:39:08 GMT

(...) I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
(...)
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you

He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
"How to Save a Life", The Fray
I feel exactly as though if I had just aimed a gun at someone's head. I never thought that a few words could instantly change three, maybe four, lives all at once. The worst is, I feel like crap, like I've hurt him too much. I fear his reaction. I'm stuck between feeling admiration towards my rather outrageous (?) attitude and regret for what I've done. What makes me most annoyed is that I still worry about him. If anything bad happens to him, I don't know what I'll do. Even if he does not deserve me caring about him half this much.

I did shit. Pretty thick shit. And I most be the one to hold my head high and carry on. I will. But believe me when I say this will chase me throughout my entire life.

I want to be blown away.

Mon, 04 Feb 2008 14:30:59 GMT

Sadie: [upon seeing Prudence for the first time] Where'd she come from?
Jude: She came in through the bathroom window.
"Across the Universe (2007)"

I wish some prudence would come in through my window as well. I wish someone would come in through my window. Not just someone - I realise that now. I want to know what love is. I need someone tender, someone who can teach me so many things, someone who entrances me and keeps me amazed. I'm sick of brainless people, with less cultural interests and knowledge than me, who just care about the bohemian side of life. I need to meet someone who's a lot like me, but different in many things. I never really cared about love and the meaning of it, but now I noticed how it is lacking in my poor little life. I want to be blown away by someone who I can consider so much better than me.

All my feelings rose today.

Thu, 31 Jan 2008 16:02:55 GMT

I want you to remember
A love so full it could send us all ways
(...)

The chemicals between us
The walls that lie between us
Lying in this bed
The chemicals displaced
There is no lonlier state
Than lying in this bed

I want you to remember
Everything you said
Every driven word
Like a hammer, hell, to my head
"Chemicals Between Us", Bush

We could have been so perfect. But you're not leaving her. So I'm leaving you. I'm sick of impossible loves. And I'll forget those words you said. And I'll forget you, and I won't care if you can't pass by me without touching me. It was your decision, now it's up to someone else. I just can't keep on seeing you two make out after those talks we had.

You're not leaving her, so I'm leaving you. Tango is not for three.

Strawberry Fields Forever.

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 20:00:05 GMT

Let me take you down
'Cause I'm going to
Strawberry fields
Nothing is real
"Strawberry Fields Forever", The Beatles

I think I'm still drunk. It was a hell of a night, and I think I'd never done that much shit. However, I'm still wondering why God is punishing me. Maybe it's for my promiscuous, lascivous behaviour, but I don't see other girls getting punished for it. Why did I have to be cursed with feelings, for instance?

And Carnival just couldn't come in a better time. I hope this week flies by.
On other news, I am in love with "Across the Universe". I highly recomend it to anyone and everyone. ~~I might write a review when my mind regains the ability to think.~~

Thanks for the comments on the last post. I didn't comment back because ~~I'm lazy~~ I didn't really know what to say, but I swear I read them and they stayed on my mind for a while.

Hell has stole your smile.

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 18:42:07 GMT

Please don't ask my name
I don't like thinking
All the lips I kiss become cold
(...)
Baby you know I'm trying to be happy
Better stop, it's easy to be sad
"Down by Flow", Micro Audio Waves

I'm not feeling well. Not just physically, psychologically. I feel like absolute crap, my self esteem has seldom been like this. Except I can cover for that. I'm not sad, no. There's enough shit to justify my being unhappy but I'm not. I just don't feel good about myself.

Well, I rarely feel good about myself, but now... I think I'm a little pile of shit, basically. I recently found out that I've changed enourmously since last year. I'm much more a of a risk-taker, and much more of a rebel... or am I? I do not want, or need people to think I'm acting this way because I want to be cool or because I want to prove myself. And the worst is, so much is changing and I maybe feel a bit better about myself when small squee-ish details happen, but it never makes up for it at the end of the day.

I need a reason to think I'm special.

People, let's do therapy. If you want to feel better, or slightly releived, comment anonymously and say whatever's on your mind. I'll read it - I like bragging of what a good listener I am. I might not be the best to give advice, but it's important for you to know that, even though I don't answer back, I read all your posts and always have the tingling feeling of wanting to help but never really know how to do it. This is my shot at helping you; this is your shot at letting it all out.

I've become comfortably numb.

Sat, 19 Jan 2008 18:20:45 GMT

Your lips move, but I can't hear what you're saying
When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown
The dream is gone
"Comfortably Numb", Pink Floyd

I'm finally starting to worry about my mistakes. There's too much pressure, too much weight on my shoulders. I've realised you can't make your destiny; some things happen because others get in your way and there's hardly anything you can do about it. At least for now. I can't bear the thought of going against someone else, someone else's ideals or feelings. And I just can't handle the thought of disappointing and/or hurting someone.

I'm in need of some action. It's too hard standing here with a happy smile on my face when my dreams seem to be sinking. And the more they sink, the more I hold them dear.

I want to rebel... but the truth is, I'm too much of a coward to do so.

Come Home.

Fri, 18 Jan 2008 19:29:40 GMT

Everything i can't be
Is everything you should be
And that's why i need you here
(...)
Come home
Come home
Cause I've been waiting for you
For so long
For so long
And right now there's a war between the vanities
But all i see is you and me
"Come Home", OneRepublic

I'm feeling like such a whore. The truth is, I don't even know if I like you at all. Somedays I see you as my little playground; I keep joking around with you and you take it in, and I know that if I want it, I can have you. I'm the leader; and it's not a romance, it's just a game. But then I realise you have this one happiness outside of me, you have someone so special that's not me; and not only do I feel jealous, I feel guilty too. You can be happy on your own, if I just let you be... but I can't seem to find a way to let go of something so dear to me.

And somedays I feel like telling you I love you; somedays I feel like kissing you in front of everyone and have to face everyone's judgement; somedays I miss your touch; somedays i feel like I just talk to you because you make me feel valuable; somedays I think you're as neutral for me as everyone I don't know; somedays I feel like hating you; somedays I feel like making you suffer.

Maybe it's the desire for control, maybe it's some greater force I cannot understand... But I just need to break away from you. I can't keep feeling remorse or confusion anymore. Can't we both live our separate lives?

Vincent .001

Sun, 13 Jan 2008 17:06:08 GMT

(...)
The room started to sway, to shiver and creak.
His horrid insanity had reached its peak.
(...)
Every horror in his life that had crept through his dreams,
Swept his mad laugh to terrified screams.
To escape the madness, he reached for the door,
But fell limp and lifeless down on the floor.
(...)

"Vincent" (1982), Tim Burton

(yeah, i'll probably posting icons like this.)

letter post ×02.

Mon, 24 Dec 2007 16:23:29 GMT

When I went to meet you, it wasn't like the other times; I faced this as a casual thing, something natural, somewhat of a joke - one that could become our own private joke. Like everytime you'd come back you'd tell me and I'd meet you and it wouldn't really matter what we'd do, we'd just... hang out for a few minutes. Like odd friends.

We're not meant to be lovers, are we? Too different, two worlds apart. Yet I feel so attracted to you, it's like you're a magnet, you pull me towards you; it's not your eyes, your pierced tongue, your athletic body, it's your strong personality. And maybe you'll deny it bt I attract you too and you don't know how that happens - you think I'm weird, I'm like no one you've ever met and you like me for it. Yet, we're not meant to be lovers.

You once told me it was just an affair. That means it's supposed to be feelingless, painless, as neutralas possible. No emotions intended, no harm intended ... no attachments intended. And that's how I try to act. At first, it was difficult, but I managed to face you as come and go and come back situation - whatever happens, happens, it stays between us, it's not talked about and it doesn't generate anything besides what it is. Simple and plain. I managed to look at us like little playmates, I managed to go and meet you and think I was gonna have fun with you, I was gonna taste your tongue and feel your hands again and that was just like memories of a lost childhood - you love them, you'd love to go back to them for a second, but you wouldn't really like to live it all again.

And you had to break it up. I mean, I'm acting the way you want it to be. A joke. And if it's a joke, I'm not supposed to talk about my personal life. And I didn't want to talk about it. I do not trust you that much. I've wanted to, but I realised I couldn't. And we're so opposite that you can't see my side, so that's why I couldn't explain myself. And it hurt to just stand there looking at the ground until we decided to leave, but I do not regret not answering. Because what is most intriguing is that I'm okay with you being who you are, I accept that you have a girlfriend and that you're cheating on her with me, I accept your whole shit and don't ask a thing about your personal life (and what I ask about are minor details) and you, little mr. stud-it's-just-a-hook-up, had to ask about my personal choices, what I needed and wanted, what I felt, why I wouldn't do that.

I mean, really, why'd you ask that? I told you it wasn't about you, I thought that's what worried you, but you insisted. I did not think you'd do the same as the other guy might have done, I told you that. And it wasn't just because I broke the mood (or you did), it was because you wanted to know more. You wanted a concrete justification. I can't give you that if we're supposed to just be hooking up for the night. And you can't want to have the whole package, you can't want to eat the whole cake, if it's all just a casual thing. I won't give in to you, if I know that's all there is for us. I love playing with you, but if that's it, I won't give you more than what I want to give to someone like you.

I just need you to tell me; was it a way to get rid of me? Or are you that complexed about yourself? Or maybe you're the one who's getting involved now?

And now I'll tell you. I'll tell you that I'm trouble(d), that I have a complex character. I'm not as self-confident as I look, small things always have a way to get to me - like you playing around with that stupid little ring (and I hadn't thought about your girlfriend until then) - and that disables my ability to trust others easily. If you want this little game to keep rolling, you'll get that, you'll let me trust you by-the-by. Still, you know we're not gonna be okay.

I want to ask you for us to "go casual again". You ask no questions, I do not fake answers, I do not feel like you ruined my night; I ask no love in return.

I just do not want things to be odd between us. Or at least odder than they are ~~(I swear, if someone tells me we'll end up married one more time, I'll go nuts).~~ I want to be able to look you in the face, talk to you, laugh with you, still be flirty with you - just because I can, just because we have this stupid, weird thing going on. I want to be able to kiss you again and not feel a thing. I do not want another night like that one. Because then I felt like telling you to go fuck yourself and leave you there alone. (So you should be grateful that I'm calm and that I swallow as much shit as I can for other people.)

I know it's Christmas but...

Fri, 07 Dec 2007 21:00:24 GMT

I can't help wanting to kill myself.
I feel so bad, psychologically and physically.
Exhausted, nervous. Life's not good, not good at all.
Sometimes I wish I didn't feel anything at all.

× 27.

Tue, 27 Nov 2007 20:15:33 GMT

Just make up your mind.
I adore you a lot, but my life's ticking and I can't stop it for you.
(Can't you at least let me move on?)

× 26.

Fri, 23 Nov 2007 20:51:39 GMT

So maybe you should be grateful your lives are so balanced. Mine isn't, it's hanging on the edge all the times. Can this ever end? Will it ever end? I'm desperate, I can't take it in. It's too much for me to swallow, I'll blow up any time.

Yes, be grateful - you shouldn't be whining when you have something to hold on to. I've got nothing to keep me there and I'm still alive, aren't I?

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 21:23:17 GMT

if you speak portuguese by any means
please proceed to
ouvidizer

Drivers license, say you?

Thu, 08 Nov 2007 17:43:48 GMT

Pixar, I love thee.

And this is basically why I have dreams about crashing cars when I get my license. Kidding. I have dreams, but it's because I'm afraid I'll raise the already high number of accidents in roads.

But seriously, isn't this short film awesome?

× 25.

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 21:48:14 GMT

Have you ever heard of the worst subject ever? I have - and it's called Physics and Chemistry. Seriously, worst test in my whole life; first fail in my entire existence, I bet. It's awful. Why do I even have this subject?