Log in

No account? Create an account
19 August 2008 @ 10:38 pm

Sometimes I'm afraid this week will never be over.

Sometimes I think you're just not good enough for me. Sometimes I think we're too different too work. Most times I think I don't wanna be with you even though I adore you.

Sometimes I want to fight with my best friend and totally not give a sh*t about it.

Sometimes I want to run away from home.

I'm afraid I'm so excited about college that it won't live up to my expectations.

I don't want to disappoint.

I'm too lazy but I want to be independent.

I'm not ashamed of anything I did. I just don't want certain people to find out because they're too ignorant to get it.

Sometimes I get tired of being too physical, too intense in a morbid way. Let's be subtle,erotic and subtle, not pornographic.

When I've just met people and they're so nice, I feel like I might just end up falling in love with them. (Then, I realise, they're not worth it.)

I'm too dreamy.

I wish I was prettier. And more confident.

I feel like I'm too calm right now. I want to drop bombs, again.

Current Mood: tiredtired
24 June 2008 @ 10:58 pm
Gossip Girl. TV-Verse. Blair/Chuck. PG-13. for waldorfish .

Is This What They Call Love on a Saturday Night?

There he was, smoking his Marlboro and sipping his cocktail, occasionally glancing with shameless gluttony at the curvy waitress, in a porpusefully slow pace. Then he spotted her. 

She was wearing a backless dress, which made her moves seem as delicate as the art of rolling up a joint. It was maybe just a tad too long – but then again it was just the perfect dress… when it came to undressing it. The summer sun had tanned her in a delicious shade of cinnamoon and her hair had become slightly lighter. She looked like na exotic beauty – she would definitely pass as an innocent Amazonia native. Were it not for that distinctive malice and playful, arrogant naughtyness, which attracted men just like magnets attract iron. 

And it sure did – she was not alone. As usual. He smirked. There were five of them today – the number seemed to keep increasing at an alarming rhythm. She managed to divide her attention equally to all of them, directing smiles that were not as shy as it might look. They moved around her like bees – bees around their Queen B. 

He imagined her, having threesomes, orgies… No, he didn’t imagine it. He knew for a fact that she had indeed been having all that… and probably more. Who would have thought – little obstinate, strict, pure virgin Blair Waldorf living the most unimaginable sex fantasies with the widest variety of guys? He sure had taught her more than well; he sure brought out the best of her. 

Yet a part of him was certain it couldn’t be that much fun. These guys didn’t know her, or how she worked; they could have no clue that she was incredibly sensitive to anything involving her belly button or that she would always reach a point of utmost ecstasy when he kissed her feet slowly. 

She got up and as she passed by him, closely followed by her five new puppies, he reached out so that he discretely touched her thighs. 

She looked back and gave him a smirk that totally said “See you in my suite tomorrow, Bass.” 
Current Mood: naughtynaughty
10 June 2008 @ 08:45 pm

Insisto em não esquecer o teu sorriso enorme, espelho da minha própria felicidade, e os teus olhos claros, esculpidos com o mesmo desejo que me movia até ti. Trocámos um 'Olá', tímido, envergonhado; a muitos pareceria arrependimento precoce. No entanto, em essência era apenas uma declarada cumplicidade de pecadores, um nervosismo miudinho de quem está consciente do futuro próximo e das consequências deste. (Sabíamos.)

Foram segundos de tempo congelado, curtos e mudos, que tão cedo deram lugar ao mais apaixonado cenário. Não ousámos demonstrar desde logo o quanto ansiávmos estar assim, íntimos - começaste por tocar-me, rápido e fugaz, como testando as águas, enviando um arrepio ternurento pelo meu corpo. Repeti o teu gesto. Permitimo-nos esses testes (tínhamos tempo), sentindo centímetro a centímetro, com medo, respirando pesadamente, sempre tentando assegurar-nos da realidade do momento.

E logo, no que pareceu um pestanejar de asas, os toques fugidios perderam a velocidade de auto-estrada, ganharam a ternura de um barco pequeno atravessando um rio, explorando tudo que se situava entre as margens. Ganhámos consistência, misturámos os nossos perfumes etéreos. Parecia mais certo do que errado.

Demorámo-nos, alongámos as linhas curvas da mais bela arte abstracta, e a cor não nos fugia aos olhos. Nada havia para além da tua pele, tão macia nas minhas mãos (embora mais tarde lhes descubrisse a aspereza). Provava-te, alimentava o torpe formigueiro que me atacava de dentro, comendo o meu coração com aquele fogo que incendiavas em mim. E aquela agitação sabia-me a moleza, confortável, quente, minha; deixe-me cair na intensidade do nosso pecado ternurento e bestial, puxei-te para mais perto de mim (temia que não estivesses mesmo ali, temia que não sentisses também.).

Ganhaste tom de animal, impulsivo, instinctivo, sensualmente doce como uma fera que persegue a presa. (Profundo. Belo.)

As tuas carícias percorriam-me por inteiro, afagavam-me esta alma que sempre achara indomável. Sempre sem escusadas demoras. (Tínhamos tempo.) E no nosso pequeno segredo, de imunda perfeição, com um sabor salgado tão doce como o mar, de dois mundos sem pontes, era o pecado que nos unia e desinibia. (O mais forte elo entre nós.) O proíbido tornava-se obtido. Apaixonávamo-nos ali, por entre cobertores de uma doçura sôfrega e gananciosa.

Tínhamos tempo, tinhamos uma vida, mas era como se o tempo descontasse os segundos para o nosso fim. Como se soubéssemos não haver outra oportunidade para libertarmos este nosso amor desenfreado, acorrentados a outras prisões.

Éramos inconscientes: não adivinhávamos o futuro? Inconsequentes, irresponsáveis, na altura o pensamento não morava ali (éramos movidos por outro combustível). É que hoje és um sonho, inalcançável esfinge e preciso-te mais do que nesse passado. E melancolicamente embebida em nostalgia, insisto em não esquecer(-te).


Current Mood: melancholymelancholy
Current Music: "Teardrop", Massive Attack
22 May 2008 @ 07:05 pm

Maybe I should let the dust settle, let things calm down, cool off. Let the burns heal, let the wounds become scars that shall never disappear.
Wait. It has sunk in already. The ship's stopped. I'm as aimless as ever, the biggest wanderer the Earth has ever come to know. No destiny for me, no big heartbeats. My heart is comfortable, never leaving its place.
Too comfortable. It's getting too hot, too itchy.
Where's the buzz (the real buzz) in the ears? Or the cold shiver dancing in my neck, the bright colors hipnotizing my eyes, the taste of freedom forever melting in my tongue? When you're used to living fast like a highway, you stop liking second-way routes.
(Yet, I know I should stop. They deem me rebel, but a rebel I am not.)

And I miss us. Each step I take towards the end of the race brings me more of our adventures waltzing in front of my eyes. (Secretly, I still hope. And make up magical stories, because deep down I know that hoping is wrong and reality overwhelms me too much for me to live in it.) Am I moving forward or never leaving the same hurtful spot?

Current Mood: weirdweird

You are all I need
I'm in the middle of your picture
Lying in the leaves

"All I Need", Radiohead

If anyone should blame me for my actions, I shall tell them it was all because of you. Because I lost myself in a stupid affair that became the big love story of my troubled youth.
Yet you and I know that every single rebelious act is me trying to break away from what the world has made of us; I'm trying to come to terms with myself after what I've done. Every skipped class, every retorted answer, every puff of smoke, every outrageous deed, every kiss or hug, every glass I grasp, every breath I take, every smile I dare steal from my lips has a tiny shred of you in it... but it's all quite an act, really, quite a show, my body speaks without my mind hearing what I mean to say. It seems so right.
I'm not a rebel. I just realise that everything's so natural. I'm not a rebel, I just realised I can have fun and experiment and not waste my days thinking about what I did to you and the beautiful lie we once were.
Really, you're just such a big sucker. Because you do suck it in when you see me, I still affect you for the sake of those fifteen minutes, meaningful looks, knowing smiles and provocative messages. I saw the way you looked. Grow up and be a man, it's almost your turn to be a better judge.
And judges aren't missing here, because everyone likes to mess around with business that isn't their own. My darlings, talk trash on me, but you make me thrilled whenever I hear you speak my endeavours for the truth is at least I am not ignored in my desire to escape from you.
15 March 2008 @ 03:44 pm
Here's the day you hoped would never come
Don't feed me violins
just run with me through rows of speeding cars.
The papercuts the cheating lovers
The coffee's never strong enough
i know you think it's more than just bad luck

There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
don't loose your head
Cuz none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah

Sleeping pills know sleeping dogs lie
never far enough away
Glistening in the cold sweat of guilt
I've watched you slowly winding down for years
You can't keep on like this...
now's a bad a time as any

There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
don't kill yourself
cuz none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah

it's ok by me..it was along time ago

"Speeding Cars", Imogen Heap

Current Mood: sadsad
11 March 2008 @ 10:27 pm
~ I'll describe the way I feel, you're my new Achilles heel ~

I hate limited, close-minded people.
I just do. I'm not the most liberal person, but I can't cope with people who live in a bubble.

 \ EDIT \ I've just noticed that the previous sentence kinda goes against the title in my previous entry. believe it or not, it's actually different things.
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
Current Music: "Special K", Placebo
20 February 2008 @ 06:56 pm
I have decided that I love quotes. Wait, I have not decided that. I've always known it, actually. They kind of help me get through the day and actually believe in other people - something which, in my opinion, has become really, abnormously hard to do. So I will, every now and then post quotes that somehow inspire me or make me laugh. And I encorage you to comment with your favourite quotes or thoughts on those quotes that I post.

BTW, if you haven't watched Becoming Jane and you're a depressive female heart with an obsessive love for dramas that do not have the happiest of endings, you go watch it. It's amazing. Not on my top 5, but worthy of your time. Especially since it includes Julie Walters and James McAvoy (and Joe Anderson), whom I have come to love.

"I think people have a tendency to believe that something is not beautiful if it's not pretty, and that it is purposely obscure if it takes an effort on your part to understand it, and I just completelt disagree with that." Brian Molko of Placebo

"Les temps sont durs pours les rêveurs." (Times are hard for dreamers.)
"Sans toi les émotions d'aujourd'hui ne seraient que la peau morte des émotions d'autrefois." (Without you, the feelings of today are not more but the dead hull of the feelings of the past. )
from Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amélie Poulain (= Amélie)

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one." Albert Einstein

"Sometimes affection is a shy flower that takes time to blossom."
from Becoming Jane

"And no matter how good you try to be, you can't keep a bad girl down."
from Gossip Girl

"Sweetheart, you can't buy the necessities of life with cookies."
from Edward Scissorhands

by Jackson Pollock
Current Mood: weirdweird
Current Music: "All We Are", OneRepublic
16 February 2008 @ 12:04 pm
I think I might get addicted to OneRepublic. I always thought I wouldn't, because they seemed too commercial, the kind of band that would become annoyingly famous with just one hit, but their songs are just too sweet to not like them.

I wanted to talk about my love story. Wait, it's not really a love story, and that's all I've been talking about for the past week and a half. It's even irritating having to tell the whole deal over and over again, because I always get the same answers and there seems to be no solution to my problem. The thing is, not many people have had it the way I did.

My anger has been pilling up. All I think of is of throwing my hands around someone's neck and ... argh! You know when you have those sudden mood swings? As in, one day you're so freaking worried about that guy who made your life miserable, and next thing you know, you just hate him, and feel like telling him that he's the kind of dirty that's unworthy of your shoes? I feel that.

And the other one's in town. And school and parents are killing me. Great.
Current Music: nothing
10 February 2008 @ 03:10 pm
Name: Ana. (but you can call me Alice xD)
Age: 16
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow Portugal ...
What are you studying/Where do you work: The thing is, I try, as hard as I can, not to study. Mainly because I regret studying in this area.
What makes you happy: Chilling out with my friends.
What are you listening to now/have listened to last: Yeah Yeah Yeahs and the Across the Universe soundtrack
What is particularly good/bad about my LJ: Hm, I think there's something wrong with your links list x) I mean, LJs are about posts and yours are just nice to read (even if I don't always comment, sorry).
An interesting fact about you: Some people mistake me for a well-behaved person, but I always end up surprising everyone...
Are you in love/have a crush at the moment: Hm, I've just realised I love someone who doesn't deserve it. And apart from all the shit he's done to me I just worry so much about him.
Favourite place to be: Japan, even if I've never been there. No seriously, I like going to the beach during the winter. It helps me breathe.
Favourite lyric: Haemoglobin is the key. (?)
Best time of the year: Late Summer, early Autumn :)
Weirdest food you like: Ervilhas com ovos escalfados.

Recommend me a film: Just one? Across the Universe. And maybe Atonement.
Recommend me a book: Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen.
Recommend me a song: Afff... "Come Flash All Your Ladies", The Filthy Youth
Recommend me a band: Placebo!
Recommend me a website: www.bored.com has pretty cool stuff.

One thing you like about (velvety_dagger): I love your comments. You always have something nice to say.
Two things you like about yourself: My new hairstyle and my blue nailpolish. I'm sorry about being superficial, but that's all my self-esteem can think of.

Tell me what you think about me :P
Thanks velvety_dagger

Current Mood: nostalgicnostalgic
Current Music: "Fortress", Pinback